So if you remember (Waayyy back in January), one of my themes for 2010 was consistency. Well for the record, I have crashed and burned spectacularly! For the past 2 months my biggest claim to fame in the consistency department is that I. Have. Been. Consistently. Inconsistent!
Why have I been consistently inconsistent? After having several conversations with the “inner voices”, my conclusion is that I gave other things in my life priority. Period.end.of.story. While it’s a bit painful to admit (well actually, a lot!), it’s also an opportunity to pick myself up, jump back on my little red wagon, and start steering in the right direction.
While I’m in “blog confessional” as it were :, and balancing a “no excuses” approach and a “negative self talk” approach, I will go so far as to say that I have been hiding a bit since being diagnosed with a chronic condition (fibromyalgia). That being said and cutting myself some slack, it’s now time to “put on the big girl panties” and start doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
I’ve had a lot of internal mindset struggles since this diagnosis because I believe, with all my heart, that the mind is the most powerful (and underutilized!) tool we have. I fought with myself for several months over acceptance and the idea that my body is “betraying” me; and as a result, have not felt in alignment. Which. Totally. Sucks.
The point is that we ALL have these internal struggles that we must deal with from time to time. Life is not fair, but it is wonderful and amazing. When you start exercising your resilience muscles, you know that you can always hop back on your wagon and start steering in a new direction.
How do you deal with the pitfalls in life? I’d love to hear your strategies and coping skills!
Gina parris says
Waaay back when I was getting delivered from compulsive dieting, I had to discover that for me there is no wagon. In my mind the “wagon” was that stupid, unrealistic, bulimia-inducing perfection of a daily 1200 calorie meal plan, along with the 2 hour workouts, straight A’s, cheerleading, drama, speaking gigs and heck, world peace. Finally I learned to graciously embody someone who was imperfect but “naturally slender,” and thank God I haven’t struggled w/ eating for 20 years.
Today my struggles are different, but they always seem to be rooted in my self-image, and issues beneath the surface. Since I know my personality likes to have things be fun all the time, I have invited people into my life (like the dude I married 20 years ago) to call me on behaviors that I need to change. Eventually the crazed feeling subsides and I my “resilience muscles” are indeed stronger. Thanks for posting, and I pray your body starts to line up with your strong and courageous heart!
Thank you so much for being open and honest with your struggles. I am fascinated and intrigued at how we have different perspectives. For me the “wagon” is always goals and aspirations (basically my “best life”) and sometimes I fall off it or steer in the wrong direction. And you’re right, it IS being in a state of graciousness, acceptance and dignity that embodies all of our imperfections. You and I both have the “squiggly line” personality to the nth degree that’s for sure:-) Inviting those into your life who challenge and hold you accountable is a brave, wonderful and scary thing isn’t it?
Again thank you so much for sharing and giving us a glimpse into you!
Paul Tran says
This post really touched me, and I’m sure you’re not surprised with the outside conversations that we’ve been having. I am hurt by what you’re going through because I’m going through a similar pain, but I am proud of you and inspired that you are dealing with it with muscle, determination, and the right attitude!
I am a pretty active, healthy guy – but still got attacked with a disease that convention would say is meant for the unhealthy. All my days walking my dog, exercising, being normal – crushed, when my attacks got so severe that I had to be in crutches for an entire month, my wrist and elbow joints immobilized me to pick up my food, shake hands with people, brush my teeth, etc. My pain tolerance is good, but it hurt my mind, and heart – I know how it feels to feel that your body is betraying me.
However – like you, tough cookie, I got over it and I’m better than ever! It was a combination of time that heals the wound, my positive mental attitude, God, etc. but I realize that yes – life is unfair, but I think God did that so that he could really bring out my best. If life was fair there’d be no incentive to reach for the stars like you and I do. And also – I don’t think He gives us more pain and trouble and work than he believes we can handle. So….let’s handle it! =)
I also bless this obstacle because it’s a wake-up call. Money and wealth is NOT everything. In fact, it’s NOTHING when your health is bad. It put things into perspective – while I’m out there being a workaholic, relationships with my family, friends, my girlfriend, etc. are suffering. Fast (and fake) food was replacing real food. Poor decisions were being made. It took a horrible attack that resembled broken bones to bring me back to reality and priority.
I think the best way to deal, at least for me, is to put it into perspective, and know that every falling stone is a stepping stone. Spring would not be so welcome without Winter! Every fall back paves the way for HUGE comeback!
I just realized I read too much motivational stuff… =P
Hugs, DM – you are inspiring, and you’re not in this alone!
I know that you have special empathy and I so appreciate you, your spirit and your unwavering optimism! As you have so eloquently said, when your body betrays you the fight that goes on in your mind can be brutal. I am so sorry for what you have gone through, I must admit I had no idea of the depth of your struggles and my heart goes out to you and what you have endured.
I really believe as you do that God places challenges in our path so that we may develop a deeper empathy and understanding of others and as you brilliantly said…”to bring out our best”. A lot of what Dr. Wayne Dyer writes and speaks about resonates with me about that (yes, I read way too much motivational stuff too:-)!)
I’m so moved by what you have written here that my computer screen is blurry as I try to blink away tears. I feel so incredibly blessed that some of the most amazing people (S.A..shhh!) have come into my life and your wisdom and heart are truly at the top of my list of blessings.
I’m in love with the whole idea of “a falling stone being a stepping stone” and will shamelessly pirate that from you:-)!
Thanks and love,
John Lusher says
This is an incredible, straight from the heart post. I often wonder how much better we would all be if we always spoke directly from the heart in everything we do.
I have learned so much about fibro over the past few years as I have met people that deal with it everyday. The fact that you are facing it head on is very inspirational to me.
There are reasons we all have been blessed with what we have; even when it doesn’t seem like a blessing. You are truly inspiring to me for many reasons.
Honestly and realizing what your priorities are; two elements of life we all need to keep within our sites.
Great post, thank you for posting and for putting into words, for the world to read, how you can get back on your wagon. Just in case you ever doubt it; there is an entire team behind you, helping to move the wagon forward.
Thank you for some wonderful comments. You are so right…most of us need to speak our truth a bit more and not be afraid that someone will judge us or think badly of us. I feel a responsibility and an accountability to the people who visit this space, who I coach and mentor to be as real and authentic as I possibly can. I am always aware and so very grateful for the support I have from “Team S.A”, my friends offline and my family. Whenever the wagon feels like it’s rolling backward, it is so comforting to know that there are shoulders that will help me to start it rolling forward again:-)
Thank you…I’m grateful to call you friend!
When I read your condition my heart stopped for a bit.
I don’t like my friends to go through such things.
I’ve been dealing with many life changes that have been ongoing for almost 7yrs now… Maybe more…
I’m gonna keep this short, as one of my habits is dwelling on this.
Change: in its varying degrees, is always met by the tyrranical guardian of whats been considered normal in the past. once we are met with our need for change, we identify the problem and discover the solution, then the decision for action must be met.
And suddenly the internal civil war has begun.
Old habits will fight to the death to stay alive. After all, we have given them life for as long as we’ve been practicing them.
But now they must go, or suffer the losses we no longer wish to endure.
This is what I keep telling myself recently anyways…
Be kind with yourself, is a great need.
We change in steps, we progress in steps.
We need ever be vigilent to change, once is not enough and every time counts. We are courageous creatures.
We can create the change we desire in our lives with the right tools and the right people by our sides.
Bless you Danielle
wow…I reread this 4 or 5 times because it is so profound and wise. I love the analogy of an “internal civil war” that is beautifully said and so very true. Thank you so much for stopping by and posting a comment.
I know just a bit of what you have struggled through and the internal civil skirmishes you have fought (I say skirmishes because I believe that you have won the war my friend). Being vigilant is another quality that cannot be emphasized enough…that self awareness is crucial to being able to take the next steps and creating the change we desire…
Thank you, thank you for contributing your wisdom, experience and your amazing heart here. You are a blessing:-)
Rochelle Veturis says
Ohhh, this post and the beautiful comments and discussion that followed have completely changed the perspective of my day. Wow, thank you all for that. Your honesty and willingness to be so out there, and open about these struggles is really very touching.
A friend of mine had an HIV scare a few weeks ago and I can tell you, although the situation did not directly involve me, it was crushing. I’m pretty darn emotional, so I cried a lot. It really affected me. After a difficult weekend, and week that followed, God worked a miracle in the situation. The Doctor had given a misdiagnosis. Is that incredible? I mean, how does a doctor misdiagnose that? The Lord moved quickly in this situation, and gave everyone even remotely involved a huge wake up call. Life is so precious; so beautiful; and we’ve been given so much. It’s amazing how medical situations help us find this clarity.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers sweet Danielle. I’ll never forget how incredible you were at SXSW –you were in major back pain and yet, conversing with people every chance you got. And, even mustering the diligence and energy to follow up with every single person you met. You are incredible D! Keep being you. You’re a masterpiece.
I know..aren’t the comments simply amazing and inspiring?! I am so glad I decided to publish this post…I have to be honest, my finger hovered over the send key for several moments before I took the plunge. God works miracles every single day doesn’t he? I read somewhere (wish I could remember where!) that when we think in terms of life and abundance that of course God wants us to have all of that…don’t we want the best for our children? As God wants for us too:-)
Thank you sweetie…SXSW was truly life changing for me…I got to meet and become friends with YOU! Pretty darn worth it I’d say!
J Steele says
What a courageous post Danielle! Thanks for the candor and inspiring admission of your humanity. As I write, I’m still sick and thinking I-should-be-over-this-by-now-I-have-alot-to-do…
I keep trying to make sense with the next paragraph but my head is not 100% in the game so I’ll close with a prayer that you are becoming all that you were created to be and our journeys have crossed for a reason. Thanks for baring your heart 🙂
Thank you J. I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well. It’s so hard to find motivation and inspiration when you’re struggling physically; it affects every other aspect of your life. I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts…sending prayers and healing vibes your way. Feel better soon my friend!
Bridget Willard says
I totally relate; I’ve been coping with CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) for nearly 5 years, being diagnosed only last year. It’s good to cut yourself some slack (as an overachiever, I think I can safely say that); but I also have a laptop so I can blog while in bed. Glad I found this post through Rochelle’s tweet.
Interestingly enough, in all of the research I’ve done on FM and other chronic conditions and syndromes (yes I AM an info junkie!) we are the very group that seems to be targeted (high achieving perfectionist types). So funny that you mentioned blogging in bed; as I type this I’m tucked up in bed myself.:-) For those of us who are the perfectionists, it is incredibly hard for us to cut ourselves some slack.
I’m sorry for what you have, and continue to struggle through with CFS. I’ve actually considered cultivating a small niche in my coaching practice to devote to those who are diagnosed with a chronic condition. It is like going through a grieving process when it hits you.
I’m glad you found this post too! (and I totally adore Rochelle!)
Thank you for posting your thoughts and sharing with us here:-)
I also have Fibromyalgia, and osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, and now gout. I’ve had fibromyalgia and the arthritises for nearly 12 years now and I’ve taken just about every pain med you can imagine, over the counter and prescription. The one only med that helps me is Tramadol and the only alternative med that I use is called Brainwave Entertainment or BWE’s. The BWE’s work the best for getting rid of the pain and fibro fog. All it is, is a set of tones that mimics the tones your brain uses to communicate between the lobes.
I go to http://www.mentallion.com and you can download the BWE for fibromyalgia pain, you will want the one with no other sounds, I believe it’s called silent. You will have to listen to it with headphones because the tones go into each side of the brain.
Since I’ve been using them, 5 months now, I am able to do almost everything I use to do. The thrid day after I started this I was able to walk my dog for a mile, come home and jump on the riding mower and mow most of the .9 acre yard we have, until I broke the mower, then I finished it with the push mower. I have never ever been able to do the two in the same day and not only that but my recovery time was that afternoon and that night. The next day when I woke up it was like I hadn’t done a thing the day before.
Yesterday, I moved everything out of the study and shampooed the carpet, then I vaccumed the kitchen/foyer and mopped it then went outside and mowed the side yard with the push mower, came back in and sorted the stuff I had taken outof the study and put it back in an orderly fashion. All this before 1:30 pm. I have never been able to do this until now.
Anyway, I do what I have to do to get through my day by using BWE’s.
Wow…that is an incredible story that you have shared and some valuable information~thank you! I also have osteoarthritis (yay me! she said with some irony;-) ). I will definitely check out the BWE’s…sounds amazing!
I’m so happy that you have come through the other side, so to speak, and it sounds like you are getting your life back, which is totally awesome. You have given me hope as well as any others who may come across here looking for information.
Thank you so much!
Danielle, I’m sorry to hear about your not feeling well. Sometimes it’s good to step away from things and take a break. I don’t blame you at all. Besides, once you get our head around things you can then focus once again, clearly on your goals. Take care of yourself and never close your mind to the possibility of a miracle.
Thank you for your kind thoughts:-) You’re right, sometimes we need to step away and sort of regain our perspective (indeed that is one of the cornerstones of being a coach!) whether we are able to do it on our own, or enlist the services of someone to help us look past ourselves, so to speak. I’ve got my focus back due to both of those things and it’s so empowering!
Thank you very much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Danielle, in my opinion, consistency is the most difficult matter of all.
Yep, I agree with you! Consistency is tough, particularly for those of us who crave variety and rebel against the “ho-hum” of consistency:-)
Thanks for stopping by!
Marcia from 123 blog says
Hi, I felt exactly as you did when first diagnosed with infertility.
Take all the time you need to absorb and then to (as you said) put on your big girl panties 🙂
I’m sorry for your struggles. I do appreciate you stopping by and sharing a bit of “you” with me and others here in this space. You know, all of these things in our lives can be intensely personal and private, and yet it seems that once we have gone through our “grieving” process, we’d like to know that we can share a bit of our learning with others to help and support them 🙂
Thank you so much for stopping by…and here’s to being card carrying members of the “Big Girl Panty Club” 😉
Dawn Herring says
Thanks for having the courage to share your life journey. When you get hit with a diagnosis such as yours, it can be very disheartening, overwhelming, and not to mention, painful. My heart goes out to you.
But your humor and candor make such a difference. Your authenticity shines, which I appreciate. 🙂
I combine prayer/meditation with journaling to help me deal with challenges in life that get thrown my way, especially when they’re unexpected. It also helps to have a helpful hubby who is ready with a listening ear.
It also helps to do things you truly enjoy, something refreshing that puts a smile on your face and just makes you feel better.
Thanks again for sharing your self with us. 🙂
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts 🙂 I appreciate your kind words more than I can say. I have found too that journaling has been extremely helpful as well…(much of which tends to find it’s way here on the blog!). I’m still working on the meditation…my “temple” is getting outside and hitting the pavement with earphones firmly plugged in:-), I am however learning to listen to the stillness in my soul and that is an amazing thing.
You also mentioned having a partner. My husband and I have been married for 25 years and he is a wonderful, wonderful man who has gone through 3 emergency c-sections with me, back surgery, thumb surgery, ankle surgery, colon resection, hysterectomy, and a recent surgery to fix some scarring and muscle separation (the last 5 surgeries in the space of 12 months) and of course the FM. He’s my rock, my partner, and my soulmate. I’m incredibly blessed to have married him:-)
I also love that you mentioned doing things you love. I must admit that I had gotten away from a few things that I truly love doing and have incorporated them back in my life.
Thank you, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom here.
Carol Deckert says
Hi Danielle! Welcome, welcome back, dear friend! I’m so sorry you have been having such an internal struggle and want to apologize for not staying in touch with you! I should have known better, for I too, have been struggling (and continue to struggle) with Fibromyalgia too and I know how it can play tricks on your mind and your body! You are strong and courageous to admit your struggles, but I hope that as you continue on your path to success you remember, no matter what, you have friends online (and offline) that can help ‘hold you up’ when necessary and ‘pick you up’ if you fall.
I’m very happy to see you back working again. Stay strong my dear and get ready – a successful trip has begun! I’m only a telephone call away – and I would love to help you celebrate the wonderful successes coming your way!
Hugs to you!
Oh Carol…thank you so very much for your support! I truly appreciate it and you:-) No apologies necessary please…we all get involved in things going on in our lives 🙂 I’m sorry to hear of your struggles; it’s such a challenging thing to navigate (as you well know).
Thank you for your unwavering friendship, indomitable and generous spirit and your kindness. I do feel so fortunate that in the big giant online world that you and I managed to connect only to realize that in practically live in the same town…coincidence…I think not!
Thank you and hugs back!
I too have had a falling off the wagon and jumping back on.
I find counseling with my mentors and spiritual advisors gets me refocused to my path.
Biggest ah ha has been that falling is awesome as long as Ilift myself back up.
Thank you for sharing,
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing. I too find that having mentors and a support system invaluable for getting me back on the wagon. I’m fortunate to be blessed with a mentor and coach who will challenge me and friends who give loving support..the best of both worlds!
And you’re right, falling off can be awesome as long as one realizes that it is possible to jump back on the wagon! 🙂