When I was younger, I remember how much I wanted to be part of the ‘popular’ clique.
I had moved from New York to Pennsylvania when I was 12 and more than anything in the world I just wanted to fit in. We had moved in the summer, and I was eagerly looking forward to starting 7th grade and making lots of new friends.
It.didn’t.happen…at least not right away. The town we had moved to was very small, very old family, and very cliquey.
A tough nut to crack for a 12 year old who was already struggling mightily with self esteem and confidence.
I’ll never forget changing into my old gym uniform, which was very different from the ones at my new school, and seeing and feeling every eye looking down their nose at me. I didn’t fit in and because I didn’t fit in somewhere, I tried to fit in everywhere.
I was immediately taken back to that place last week during a conversation with a friend about having a tribe.
“Your problem” she said “is that you haven’t picked a camp (read TRIBE) to hang out with”.
Huh?
“There are different camps online” she continued, “and I see you bouncing from one to the other; it’s confusing for others to know how to identify with you”.
“Well” I replied “I find lots of different people interesting”.
“And that’s your problem.”
Oy.
On a certain level, I get it. I really do. On another level I find it really chafes my sense of individualization and inclusion (sounds like a paradox, but it’s not).
Online, the buzz words are “tribe”, “community”, and “like-minded”. Some love the word tribe, others loathe it; personally I don’t care what you call it…it really is semantics sweet stuff; ultimately it’s about the people you want to hang with.
As I reflected on the conversation, what I realized is that when you pick a tribe, you are also picking the values and beliefs that you want to be associated with.
Sounds simple on the surface, but it’s a deeper issue than I initially realized…particularly as a service based entrepreneur who conducts business online (for those of you who do, you know exactly what I mean).
What do you think?
Have we exchanged the word clique for the more acceptable words of tribe and community, or is it truly about finding a group of people who you resonate with and who speak your ‘language’?
Do you feel like you belong to a tribe or community? I’d love to hear what you think 🙂
Danielle, I couldn’t agree with you more. In my heart I resist being “labeled” or parked into a tribe, circle, group, clique, etc. As a person, I am multi-faceted…my online life is no different. I have multiple areas of interests and as such, I can’t be “typed”.
My main blog isn’t all business related. I heard the same kind of criticism regarding that blog because it wasn’t classified into a specific niche. Regardless, how much would I miss out on if I narrowed my inter-actions too severely.
On the other hand, making sure that you put yourself out there as a business person into a targeted stream is important too; if you desire to get the most mileage from the time you spend in social media. I say…do and be who you are. Make sure that ppl get to know what you have to offer socially, personally and professionally.
HI Lorraine,
SO nice to hear that others feel that way too. I think as you said, it’s important to have a community that resonates with you, but at heart I am a scanner and a renaissance soul…I enjoy all types of people and different perspectives, without feeling like I belong in a clique.
Thank you so much for stopping by today 🙂
Warmly,
Danielle
I just figured out exactly this same thing about a week ago.
It appears that the aim of social networkers and many group blogs is to accumulate tribe members and ‘followers’, and yes, you are identified with their goals and values, operations and supportive ways.
I have circles , followers, likes… but I try to operate on my own. I promote and reciprocate those who support me, and those who appear to need a little ‘boost’, and somehow my best supporters are those who are closely similar to me in values and style. But like me, they are ‘independents’ too.
Hi Pamela,
I love, love the perspective you shared and especially love your use of the word ‘independents’. Isn’t something how it kind of hits you over the head? We want to be around those that share our values and are ‘like-minded’, but until the conversation with my friend, I never realized that I didn’t ‘belong’ to a camp, per se or picking a team. Weird to me, but it’s wonderful to hear from others who have had similar experiences.
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Warmly,
Danielle
Such an interesting take on it, Danielle, and I think you are so right. Wow. I just never thought of it that way. And I feel myself bouncing around from group to group to group, as well. I just like and enjoy lots of different people. And I do have an impression of how this relates to online service providers, though I’m not sure if it’s the same as yours. Basically, I often worry I’m not in enough with this crowd or that crowd, enough to sustain my business. And then when you work to maintain those connections solely for that purpose, sometimes it can feel fake and (dare I say it?) ‘car salesman-y’.
Hi Lisa Marie Mary,
It is an interesting perspective isn’t it? And like you, I’m fascinated by lots of different people and viewpoints. That being said, as you alluded to, having an online business and aligning yourself with certain peeps can make it easier for those who you want to do business with find you.
Thanks for stopping by and adding your insight 🙂
Warmly,
Danielle