You’ve heard of the phrase “where there’s a will there’s a way” right? Someone I was talking with the other day used this phrase (in relationship to a New Year’s resolution) and it struck me that it isn’t about the will, it’s about the why.
Willpower is defined as: energetic determination hmmm…quite frankly, I don’t feel so energetic when I exercise my willpower. I usually feel somewhat anxious and there seems to be a feeling of sacrifice or lack involved. It feels…painful.
My energy comes when I know my WHY
Have you ever had someone say to you, “I wish I had your willpower!” Here’s a secret…no they don’t; not really. While they may admire you (and you may certainly enjoy your feelings of superiority at this point;-)), they simply haven’t yet identified their why yet.
Your will comes from knowing with absolute crystal clear clarity what your why is. Your why is the fuel that powers the will.
Goals and resolutions need to be important to you. Too many times women pick goals that they feel they should do, rather than a deep desire internally to do. Should immediately implies that it prolly ain’t gonna happen (how’s that for some impressive grammar;-) ).
Put more bluntly, if you are making goals to impress others, even if you make the goal, the victory will feel hollow because you’ve allowed other people to define your why…sucky for sure.
Now, that being said, sometimes someone may articulate a goal/resolution that resonates with you or gives you inspiration. That’s totally cool; just make sure the feelings behind it are yours.
So your why has to be something you feel down to your bones…because no doubt about it, there will be times when you will need to work your ass off to keep that why firmly in front of you. Not discouraged yet; awesome! You are well on your way 😉
Do you have any goals/resolutions that you’d like to share? Lay ‘em on me!
Hey Danielle! You’ve made a great point – a lot of people have aspirations, goals, and dreams, and a majority of them only wish and never achieve them. Why? They only subscribe to someone else’s goals in that “me too” mentality, or they think it’d be nice to reach this or get that. But you’re right – what is the core of it? The engine of that vehicle? WHY?!
Great reminder, DM – some people need to dig deeper, make it personal, make it sustainable. Keep helping those people discover themselves!
Right on brotha:) Many people see what others are doing and go…yea, I should be doing that too! See my above response to that! Getting in your head and figuring out what is right for you is the only way to go:)
Thank you for stopping by today!
Warmly,
Danielle
I have had such a love/hate and everything in between relationship with New Years (fill in the blank). Some years I had my whole family write their goals and then we would write something like ” I will allow my family to hold me accountable to these” then sign their name and I would post on the fridge for the year. At some point I decided that the new year really started with my birthday because, hey, that was MY new year. Well, that didn’t last long because people really don’t give a rip and it’s a good excuse to make some changes when everyone is in the same mode. I’ve seen some of my resolutions in the past be driven by ‘shoulds’ or what others would want- like you said- but since the ‘why’ is absent, there isn’t much sticking power.
Lately, I’ve been more contemplative so like last year I had just three words that just formed a mindset. This year it’s only one word but it represents a major paradigm shift for me. And honestly, I don’t feel like it comes from my own brilliant thinking 🙂 I think God gives it to me. It is so motivating to wake up with a simple concept and just go take the day. Ok, on a lighter note- no soda. but today I had one… so maybe way less soda! The why of staying awake overpowered the why of no empty calories. It is good to be honest about the order of how the whys line up in our value system and not get discouraged when we rearrange or slip.
Good stuff- what are some of your whys Danielle?
I hear ya J. I struggled with those dreaded Resolutions myself for a long time. I think the key is in deciding what you want to be different, WHY you want it to be different, and picture your life after you’ve achieved it. I’m a fan of big ideas/themes like: consistency or simply “Do better than yesterday”…the most important thing is to do what feels right for you.
Hmmm…you’re the first person that has asked me that. Here are my WHYS: my family, my intense desire/need to impact others, to feel that I have made a contribution, to show/teach others that there is no “right” way to your own personal success journey, and that it is possible to live life doing work that you love and feel good about!
How’s that?
Thanks for stopping by today:)
Warmly,
Danielle
Great post and terrific points Danielle!!!
I remember seeing and listening to Zig Ziglar many years ago; several of his mantra’s on goals have stuck with me, including “you’ve got to have goals” and “the goals must be your own, not someone else’s.” I believe that too many people set goals for themselves because of what others say. You need to lose weight, you should be doing this, etc., and when the going get’s tough in achieving those goals, they stop or just do not put the energy into reaching the goals because it’s not their goal.
We must have a deep, burning passion in our hearts, minds and souls for the goals we want to achieve!
Love this post, thank you!!
Thank you John:)
Love Zig! and to mix our mentors 😉 as Tony Robbins says…”we end up shoulding all over ourselves” and don’t make the goals OUR goals…it’s time to stop the ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’s and figure out what you really want!
Thanks for stopping by my friend! Rock your 2011!
Warmly,
Danielle
You are dead on with needing to have your WHY, Danielle! I’ve been taught to work on this constantly. Your WHY will change as you do. It will become different as you accomplish goals and learn and grow as a person. I bet you find that your WHY isn’t about YOU. 😉
Recently, I learned that for every goal I want to achieve, I should write down 10-20 reasons why I want this goal to happen. Talk about reinforcing the reason why I want something and giving clarity as to just how important is this goal?!
Wow Suzanne…that’s quite an exercise and brilliant! Having to write those reasons down is key (I’m actually talking about that in a later post this month!) I love that, talk about having CRYSTAL CLEAR clarity!
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing 🙂
Warmly,
Danielle
Haha. That is so funny that you and I both wrote about resolutions this week. This ‘why” thing is a buggaboo for me. I’ve been to conferences where THE GURU mocks the middle class person who is “comfortable.”
I know I am comfortable! I certainly can’t think of 20 reason why I want my thighs an inch smaller in my bikini for heaven’s sakes. I just like to be fit. I’m not sure I can think of tons of inspiring reasons for a lot of things that simply resonate with me.
Lots of times my why is simply, “because this is who I am.” It lets me relax into it and enjoy the journey. Frankly, I’m done with striving. I”m done with feeling all the stuff J mentioned (good job, buddy!) and I’m on with being true to myself, my God and my call.
Hey G~
Well, I think deep down we all have a WHY in some way, shape or form. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable, but I believe there are layers that we should continue to explore about ourselves. So when you say that your ‘why’ is simply who you are…I don’t think there’s anything simple about that;-)
I think just about anything can be traced back to a why…whether you are able to articulate it or not.
Love your thoughts on this as a performance coach:) BTW, who you ‘simply’ are is amazing!
D